The Day Our World Stopped

Have you ever had a moment when it seems like your world came to a screeching halt? Everything freezes, nothing makes sense and you suddenly feel like you're gasping for air. If you haven't, then I pray you never do.  If you have, then I'm truly sorry because it's not a feeling I would wish on my worst enemy (which is saying a lot!) 

On Friday, October 11th, at approximately 2:45 pm, I listened as the doctor delivered the news that would forever change our lives.  At 2:46 pm, I tried my best to control my tears in front of my daughters while trying desperately to breathe.  The doctor caught me so off-guard it took me a good five minutes for the news to fully sink in and my chest to stop hurting.  By then a new round of tears was ready to begin their assault.  The doctor's diagnosis - Type 1 Diabetes.  There is no cure.

I honestly never saw it coming.  Looking back now, I can see how the small things added up.  Other parents might have seen it sooner but we didn't.  Type 1 Diabetes doesn't run in either of our families.  Until the doctor pulled me aside and explained more about it, I had no idea that there were two types of diabetes.  

A few months ago, probably in August, Boo started having accidents during the day.  Not frequent.  Maybe one every other week.  When we asked her about it she said she didn't know she had to go.  She was always in the middle of something when it happened.  We thought she was being lazy and didn't want to stop playing. By the end of September/beginning of October, she was having one to two accidents per week. Same thing - she didn't know she had to go.  

At the same time she was drinking water.  I don't mean excessive amounts.  I mean she was simply drinking water.  Boo does not like plain water.  I always have to flavor it with something to get her to drink it.  By October though she was drinking a cup of water without complaint.  It didn't make me suspicious though because it was always when she was outside playing with the neighborhood boys.  They would play outside for an hour or two almost every day and she would run inside and grab a cup of water really quick before heading out.  I simply thought she was doing a good job staying hydrated.  

One day she had an accident at school.  That was the last straw.  I told her I was making a doctor's appointment for her to find out what was going on.

When we were at the doctor's office they took a urine sample in order to rule out a urinary tract infection.  While we were waiting for the results and the doctor to come in, the girls were playing a game together, we were talking about what we'd do during the weekend, and I was reassuring Boo that she wouldn't need any shots.  When the doctor and nurse finally came in the room, the doctor informed me that they had detected glucose in Boo's urine and that the nurse would do a quick finger prick on  her.  The reading from that finger prick was 230.  At the time it meant absolutely nothing to me. But that number is what ultimately changed our world. 

The next twenty minutes or so was spent in chaos.  I was told to make arrangements for Hiccup and Mr. R, who was due home from school in twenty minutes, because I needed to take Boo to the emergency room immediately.  Nothing made sense to me.  I was looking at my beautiful little girl who by all accounts appeared happy and healthy.  Sure, she was on the skinny side, but one look at her dad and you wouldn't think anything of it.  She wasn't obese or out of shape.  Both were things I related to diabetes.  Isn't that what all the diabetes commercials on TV talked about?  After a private talk with the doctor about the differences between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes I understood better but I was still confused.  Ultimately the thing that got me going was the doctor telling me that if I didn't hurry and get her treated she could die.  We caught her diabetes very early, which is extremely lucky, but left untreated she would very easily die. 

I rushed the girls home and quickly packed a bag for Boo to take to the hospital.  The doctor had already called ahead to the Naval Hospital and let them know we would be coming.  We would be allowed to bypass the emergency room and be immediately admitted instead.  My neighbor had readily agreed when I called her to watch Mr. R and Hiccup for the weekend.  I refused to leave without saying goodbye to Mr. R.  By the time Mr. R got off the school bus we were packed and ready to make the 45 minute drive to the hospital.  I only had time for a quick hug and kiss for Mr. R before we left.  It broke my heart to leave him like that.  I could tell he was so confused and worried when he learned that I was taking Boo to the hospital for the weekend.  

During the drive to the hospital I called Hubby and told him to ask for emergency leave for the weekend.  He was as bewildered as I was when I told him what was happening.  He called me back soon afterward and told me that they would let him have the weekend to come home and he would let me know as soon as he found a flight home.  

Just after admission

The next two days are a blur.  Shortly after being admitted they drew blood and gave her some dinner.  They wanted to see what a normal meal would do to her blood sugar so they let her have a sandwich, an apple, BBQ chips, juice and milk.  By midnight her blood glucose level had risen to 500 and she was producing ketones, which is basically poison to our bodies.  They woke her up and took her down the hallway to administer an IV.  It felt like my heart was crumbling as I watched them insert that IV as she lay there exhausted, shaking and crying her heart out.  The only thing I could do was hold her other hand, smooth her hair back, wipe her tears away and promise her trip to Build-a-Bear to make a My Little Pony when it was all over with.

Hubby arrived on Saturday morning.  Boo was very excited to see him and loved the mermaid doll he picked up for her during his layover.  We spent the entire weekend learning how to keep Boo alive and healthy.  Apparently her pancreas has given up on her, so it's our job to be her pancreas now.  We were given a large book to read about Type 1 Diabetes and grocery bags of medical supplies.  We were shown how to draw up a syringe of insulin and how to administer it.  Our endocrinologist explained the basics of carb-counting to us and we practiced every time Boo ate.

A rough night made better with a new mermaid doll

Our time in the hospital was rough on everyone.  They came in every couple of hours or so to check her blood sugar throughout the night and the hospital's heat was broken so it was freezing in the rooms.  Saturday night I went home to get some rest and a jacket because only one of us could spend the night.  On Sunday afternoon they finally discharged us with bags upon bags of medical supplies and paperwork. We all left the hospital feeling both elated to be leaving and scared to death because of the unknown and the huge responsibility we now had.  A quick two day stay in the hospital doesn't feel like enough to arm yourself with the knowledge to medically care for your newly diagnosed child for the rest of their life.  And it's not.  We have basic knowledge of her auto-immune disorder and how to manage it, but every day will be a learning experience for us.  Type 1 diabetes is not a science, it's more like trial and error, and that drives us nuts!

Thrilled that Daddy came to see her

On the way home from the hospital we stopped at Build-A-Bear, as promised.  Boo picked out Twilight for her reward for being so brave.  She wanted to get something for Hiccup and Mr. R as well, so we got Hiccup a stuffed Spike and Mr. R the new book he'd been wanting.

Showing off her reward for a job well done

Once we got home the kids were thrilled to see Hubby and disheartened to find out that he'd be leaving the next day.  We found out from our neighbors that while Hiccup did fantastic and our amazing neighbor even started potty-training her, Mr. R was pretty upset during the weekend.  At one point they found him sitting on our front porch crying.  The next couple of weeks (months?) will be a challenge for our whole family.  I'll be managing Boo's diabetes on my own while Hubby returns to the West coast to continue his training.  The kids will have to adjust to seeing their sister get multiple finger pokes and shots a day.  We'll have to figure out what to do with Boo's school management.  We'll also be waiting on the Navy to decide where to send us now for our next duty station.  With all the unknown head of us, there is one thing I do know.  I know that if my 5 year old daughter can endure 5-6 shots a day with just as many or more finger pokes a day and still smile, it's all going to be okay.